a letter to my growing girl

dear baby girl,

you're growing so much! i can't believe how every day you're doing something new. like today when you took the pacifier out of my hand and put it *near* your mouth. it was a little wobbly. but you did it!

and yesterday, when you pretty much rolled over to your side.

and how when you wake up, you get up on your elbows when i come in the room.

watching you grow is and has been my most favorite thing. it's truly a blessing to be your mommy and be here for it all.

let's just work on those first words being "mama", i think it's only fair at this point.

but i'm going to need you to slow down. because soon you'll be four months and before i know it you'll be driving a car and off to college.
i can't.

you amaze me every day with the new things you do. and i still think to myself that i can't believe you're here. that i get to see you grow every day.

i'm sad you just keep growing because i want to keep you an ity bity forever. but i just love watching you grow.

love you to the moon and back, 

mommy

sweet family pictures

i do not know how photographers get wonderful pictures with their families.

there.
i said it.

it's almost like the breastfeeding for so long. rock on mama. but i can't.

i took em's newborn pictures, where i wrapped her up and put her in cute outfits and all that. but when it came to get pictures of me and sonny with her, it was like i'd never taken a photo before. all my artisticness went out the window.

we tried.

three times.

everyone, especially mommy, ended in tears.

so, i asked my friend lizzie (who also took our maternity pictures) to come snap some of our little babe and us.

and oh my gosh.

i honestly couldn't love them more.

i can't even.
just look for yourself.

so many thanks to lizzie (lizzie randazzo photography) for doing these for us!

#finish2015well

i'm a goal setter. this time last year i was making my goals list for 2015.

figuring out what i wanted to accomplish personally, and with my business.

and then i got pregnant.

and all those goals honestly went right out the window. and by some miracle, i haven't freaked out about it once.
nope, not once. not even as i sit here thinking about alllll the things i wanted to get done this year.

i swear.

i made peace a few months back that this year, 2015 was looking much different than i had intended it to. and i couldn't be happier about it. as i sit here i'm trying to remember what notebook i joted down my goals so i can go look through them. but i'm also happy i don't remember which one. because i don't want to get down on myself.

it's really ok that things didn't get done this year.

i think it's also a perspective thing too.

because some might say i got a lot done this year.
housed and birthed a human.

yea.

that's a lot.

i'm starting to think about my goals for 2016 and this time around their more family oriented. duh.
but i'm thinking about what i can do with emily. how she'll grow. what we'll do as a family.
sure i have some things for my business i want to do. but i'm not stressing about the up coming year like i usually do.

sometimes it freaks me out that i have so much time to get things done.
because then what happens if i don't get it all done. have i wasted all that time?

so not this year.

in fact. my dear friend ashley posted on her instagram about choosing to finish 2015 well. preach on sister.
instead of looking at the calendar and realizing i have a whole list of goals for 2015 that didn't get done, and trying to rush through them. i'm choosing to just finish this year well.

to do things that i might have on a goals list, or don't. to have that party or don't. to go on that trip, or don't.
to let the pressure of doing it all go.

it's been an incredible year so far.
by far my best ;)

so i'm letting go of the expectations to get it all done.

here's to #finish2015well

a love letter

dear baby daddy,

i want you to know how much i love you.
i know it seems silly to say at this point, but without you i wouldn't have anything that i have right now.
and i'm not just talking about the big obvious things, like emily.

i'm talking about the happiness i have.
the love i have.
the most amazing life i get to live.

you do more for em and i than i could have ever imagined and she's only two months old. which if i can be honest, you've basically set your self up for us to expect you to always knock it out of the park. on everything. no pressure.

i can't tell you how much i enjoy watching you with our baby girl. you're sweet and defiantly silly. i'm glad one of us has really taken to the baby talk.
you're gentle with her in every way possible. and hearing you tell her how beautiful she is every day melts my heart.

i know the last two months haven't been easy with me. i blame the hormones. or lack of them. or whatever they're doing at this point. but you've been a champ with me. on days that i should have been locked away in a straight jacket, you asked what you can do to help.

i'd honestly be lost without you at this point.

although i don't act like it or say it enough, i'm beyond thankful to have the privilege of being a stay at home mommy.
almost daily i read an article, or see a tweet, or even see a friend who doesn't have the same chance. and i wouldn't have that if you weren't the amazingly hard working person you are.
so thank you.

at this point. thank you for everything.

boasting in weakness

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

my mornings do not start the way they used to. 
life was super quiet back then. i'd make coffee, sit down with my bible and journal, usually in the living room. sip my coffee slowly. take my time. because that's what i had a lot of.

these days.
not so much. 

i'm usually jumping up out of bed to the tiniest sound emily makes. seriously. she takes a deep sigh and i'm up. but i can usually tell when she's up, or just moving around. 

lately she's been in a super amazing mood when she wakes up, which is the best. ever. 
but before. 
she used to wake up screaming to eat. 

which as you can imagine makes me feel like a chicken with my head cut off, running around the house finding nipple shields, and boppy pillows. 

so my sweet and slow morning routine has been long gone. 

which also meant my time with the Lord has been long gone. 
truthfully. 

and can we just talk for a minute about how crabby one gets when she doesn't have some time with the Lord. i heard someone once say that one day with out quiet time with the Lord and i can tell. anything more and others can tell. 
and holy crap is that true. 

i have to really, really make time for the Lord these days. 
which as sad as that makes me. also makes me happy. 

because i don't think we're supposed to take a lackadaisical approach to our relationship with God. 

i was searching through the she reads truth app and found a series called, "Open Your Bible". 
lolz at God for that one. 

i of course started it. 

the other day this passage from 2 corinthians popped up and i was raising my hands "amening" the Lord. 

being a parent is hard and has me all full of weakness. not just the lack of sleep. but the lack of patience. the frustration when I just don't know what to do. the constant worrying. 

to be honest I haven't put spending time with God at the top of my priority list lately, and I think it's starting to show. this morning baby girl slept and kept on sleeping as I started to read the Word. I kept waiting for her to wake up but it was almost like God said, "nope it's just Me and you right now." 

I read the verse and gently felt the Lord tell me that all the weakness I have is ok. it's ok I have no idea what I'm doing, it's ok to loose it once in a while...as long as I know that He is made perfect. that He is the One in charge. grace is a beautiful thing and I see it more and more every day as a parent. I'm boasting about my weakness as a parent today because He is perfect.

(part of this post was taken from my instagram feed) 

emily mae // 2 months

#adorbs

-loves to chew on her hands which freaks mommy out. 

-such a great sleeper! i honestly thank the Lord for her sleeping so much at night. very few nights does she not make it at least 6 hours. it might be the bottle of formula we give her at night, it might just be because she's our kid and we love sleep. who knows. 

-eats SO much. i feel like we're constantly upping her intake. such a growing girl!

-smiles back at us. it's the best feeling in the world

-focusing more on objects far away, which is so cool to see.

-in 3 month clothes already. and growing out of the 3 month jammies. she's just so long!

-i call her my little ten pound bowling ball now.

you're the sweetest thing every, Emmy Mae. 

day eight / diapers

baby girl is almost two months old and we still haven't had to purchase diapers yet.
seriously.

we were so blessed at our shower with so many, and then some kept trickling in after. which left us in a really great spot.

the end is near though, and as i write this i'm already putting it on my shopping list.

because here's the thing: you're going to use a lot of diapers.
an obscene amount in the first couple of months.

baby will poop through them, and just when you're changing them will continue to poop (seriously) causing you to do the diaper shuffle as i call it, using anywhere from two to three new diapers just to catch it all.

oh. and the best is when you're about to finish putting on the clean one and they pee on you/the new one. causing a whole new mess.

so diapers. are an obvious must.

we discussed cloth diapers, but the idea of washing out the poop every time wasn't something we were interested in. so for those of you who do cloth diapers. i'm applauding you very loudly.

when it comes to diapers we've only used two so far, the most popular i'd say. but i've already grown to be partial to pampers diapers.

and i actually like huggies wipes better. 

i found that although pampers are a little more sturdy, they're super wet. which leaves my hands and baby girls bottom soaking wet. it's weird. 

and, while we're talking bottoms. 

a must every time we change her diaper. 

desitin. 

it's preventative care but something my sister and my mom have sworn by and i'm swearing by it too.