week fourteen & fifteen

mommy is feeling: much better, hallelujah amen than ya Jesus. still waking up feeling pretty nauseous but i take a zofran and i'm good to go. 

weight gain: none, i lost some. since the doctors appointment i got down to 138 from 145. not on purpose. and i'm not sure how because i eat french fries. a lot. 

food cravings: i was with my big sister and she was on the phone with her hubs and they mentioned eating at buffalo wild wings and the minute she said it my mouth started salivating. i went. i got wings. it was delicious. 

food aversions: still on the salsa thing. i know. it's weird. 

maternity clothes: nothing yet, still just that good old belly band! 

movement: nugget is in there moving around but i can't feel anything yet. oh goodness, that i can't wait for. 

emotions: not only am i pregnant, but i hosted a bridal shower for my baby sister. so yea, there was all the emotions going on this week. 

sleep: finally feeling like i'm catching that second wind!  

favorite moment of the week: seeing reagan and her first response to me was, "wow aunt meggy, your belly is big!"

things i'm praying about: there are some big things coming up for us that we need to get/purchase for our little growing family. 

looking forward to: seeing this belly grow! 

fact. i picked that orange out of my backyard. 

mommy is feeling: still really good! 

weight gain: up 2 pounds! 

food cravings: apples. all the apples i can get. 

food aversions: salsa. ew.

maternity clothes: still rocking that belly band. and a lot of stretchy pants. and this dress! 

movement: nugget is in there moving around but i can't feel anything yet. oh goodness, that i can't wait for. 

emotions: i cry and the dumbest things. happy things, sad things. all the things make me cry. 

sleep: i'm moving around a lot at night which wakes me up. and this week i've been so exhausted.  

favorite moment of the week: shooting my first wedding pregnant. my bride was amazing, and knew i was pregnant and kept asking how i was. seriously the sweetest. 

things i'm praying about: that first movement to be felt! 

looking forward to: our doctors appointment in week 17!

how i barely made it through my first trimester

dear women who are pregnant and don't have morning sickness, or women who have given birth and not experienced morning sickness:

you make me sick.
i hate your stinking guts.

love,
megan and all other sick mommas

(if you've never seen little rascals this joke is totally lost, and now you think i'm just a mean lady.)

here's the truth about the first trimester of pregnancy.
it's hard.
really, really hard.

morning sickness is no joke, and you feel like no matter how many hours of sleep you've had, it's never enough.

there's also no real end date to these wonderful feelings.
so beware.
just because you're in your second trimester does not mean you'll automatically feel better once that magic week 13 gets here.

but.
you can do this.
if i did it, anyone can do it.

here are some tips on how i (seriously) barely made it through my first trimester.

#1. zofran
tell your doctor you're sick and they (should) give you this magical pill, or one like it. it seriously saved me. i honestly have no idea what women did back in the olden days without this stuff. there were a couple side effects (constipation and headaches) but it was the most even trade off. this didn't make me feel 100% better, but it did help the constant nausea and i was able to eat very small meals.

#2. frozen breakfast foods/ all the bad cereal
eggo waffles, toaster studels, fruit loops, frosted flakes, and lucky charms. i'm not sure what it was about them but it got me through most days. there were also a lot of days where all i could get down was one eggo waffle, or a bowl of cereal. maybe it's because they were bland? i hear that helps, bland food.

#3. netflix
honestly, i watched more netflix in those weeks than what i thought was humanly possible. i won't tell you how quickly i made it through friends, and then the office. but. i will tell you that being able to put something on the tv that made me laugh helped.

#4. eating what i wanted, when i wanted it
on the days that i actually felt like eating a meal, i didn't hold back on what it was. mcdonalds burger and some fries? you betcha. grits for dinner? i'm telling you. when you do have a craving for something, give into it. because when you're sick, there's no telling when you might eat a whole meal again. this isn't to say that everything will be welcomed by your new roomie, because although you were salivating for those scallops, someone else was ready to kick them out as quickly as you put them in your belly.

#5. ginger ale and club crackers (on occasion)
to be honest, i don't think the ginger ale helped at all, but the bubbles did. and i suggest club crackers because saltines are terrible. no one should ever have to eat those. ever.
and one thing i did hear over and over again that helped a bit was keeping crackers on your night stand, because you will wake up in the middle of the night starving. it also seemed to help to eat right when i woke up in the morning (it still does. i waste no time getting some food into my stomach). some mornings i would eat a cracker before i even got out of bed.
and defiantly eat something before you drink anything, no matter how thirsty you might be.

and so that's about it.

seriously.

i tried to tell you that it sucks. and i honestly don't think there's really anything that makes morning sickness go away. there are just somethings you can do to curb the terribleness. now. these are things that helped for me, and no pregnancy is the same. so some of this might work for you and it might not. you'll figure out quickly what works and what doesn't.
but keep that chin up (when it isn't in the toilet)! because better times are on the horizon my dear!

it might take you to week 15 or 16 to get there, but it's worth the wait!

the big "oh my gosh" moment

i think it's safe to say that no matter if you're trying or not, seeing those two little pink lines (or a plus sign, or a face smiling at you) is a serious shock.

there's actually a human life forming inside of you.

sonny and i had decided to start trying around thanksgiving, keeping it pretty quiet. because hello, that's a lot of pressure and we also knew that just because we had started trying didn't mean that this was the timing the Lord had as well.

turns out He did.

i had been tracking my cycle with an app that also let me know when i was "green and ready to go". that same month i saw those two pink lines.

lesson to be learned here kids.
when you start to try, you better be ready for the outcome. cause it might happen really quickly.

sonny and i took a trip to the big apple this past christmas and it was honestly the best trip of my life. little did we know, we weren't the only two westmoreland's on that trip. our little bean was starting to cook away. now there's part of me that's glad i wasn't aware yet because i had the best beef carpaccio and wine ever. two things on the "do not eat list" once you find out you're preggo.

we came home the week before christmas and my birthday and it all just rushed by. before i knew it, it was the night before christmas eve.
we had been out running around all day, because we were exchanging gifts between the two of us that night. what i had failed to realize during the day was that aunt flow hadn't showed up yet. but had been like clockwork on that exact day the last year almost.
so when we got home, before we opened up presents, i had a "what the heck" moment and took that little stick into the bathroom.

less than 30 seconds later the first line comes through and then...that very faint second line came poking through.

my first response: h o l y c r a p.

my second response: holycrap.

my third response: HOLY CRAP.

tears immediately filled my eyes and after the holy craps i looked up and said "thank you."
because let's face it. without Him, i've got nothin.

meanwhile, sonny had already set up camp in the living room and had been patiently waiting to open presents.

i had decided a long time ago that i wanted to tell sonny in a really cute way. most morning i make him coffee so i had envisioned a cup that said "worlds best daddy" and letting him fill in the rest.
in the heat of the moment, that all went out the window. because there wasn't a chance i was going to wait until the morning to tell him the news. i honestly would have burst.

i quickly ran to the kitchen, grabbed a white mug and ran back to our room yelling, "I'll be right there, finishing a gift!"

it's honestly the worst hand writing in the world. and i'm not sure why i needed to include the mug anyways, but whateves. i went with it and stuck to my mug idea.

i took the mug and slid it into his stocking without him noticing and waited patiently as we opened our gifts from each other.

which only took about 10 minutes but felt like 10 hours.

then i told him santa left something in his stocking.
he reached inside and pulled out the mug looking at the writing and paying no attention to what was inside.
because it said "daddy" on it, he thought it was from the dog.
seriously.
and it's a logical thought because we're totally those people.

after a second i told him to "look at it".
i'm a bonehead and was taking a video but at this moment stopped because i was just so focused on him and also my hands were kind of shaking.
but i did catch this reaction.

(which he says was just his reaction to the dog mug but i think he figured it out pretty quick)

i can't remember exactly the words exchanged after that but lots of, "I'm pregnant!" and "I love you" and "oh my gosh this is really happening!"
ok there was a lot of "oh my gosh this is really happening"s.

because it really was. parents. me and this guy.

our first order of business was of course to run to cvs to get more tests to confirm the little nugget.
which was a very expensive endeavor for such items because i decided to buy two of the most expensive ones that tell you how far along you are. when we got home i decided to try and be smarter than the tests by peeing into a cup and putting them all in there at once. i of course did it wrong (because yea, there's a wrong way to do this) and they all came back negative or nothing at all. so back to the store i went, bought the cheaper ones and finally saw all the little lines i needed to.

to say it was our best christmas yet would be an understatement.

there's still days i can't believe it. but of course look down at the kangaroo pouch i've got and believe it. God is good. and when you pray for a child, He hears you.

He's never failed

we live in a society that shares everything. in terms of pregnancy, from the moment we find out we're having babies we share ultrasound pictures, and then newborn pictures. and then all those sweet moments there after. and outside of pregnancy, it could be anything from a trip to the gym, to what we ate, who we saw, or what outfit we chose that day.

and lately.
i've been thinking that maybe we share too much without thinking about how it might affect others.

i have to be honest and tell you that for the first couple weeks of my pregnancy i was terrified to get onto the internet. and no, i know what you're thinking. i wasn't googling "what could go wrong" or "what's this pain mean?" i was just on instagram. or reading blogs of these mommies that i've been reading for a while now, but saw them in such a different light.

the reason for my fear was because i was following these women who have gone through some really terrible things when it comes to pregnancy. unspeakable things. heart breaking things that i couldn't imagine. but they kept posting about it. over. and over. and over again. it almost felt like she wanted to make sure that we remembered she went through this terrible awful thing.

now please. before i go on. don't miss my point here. i do believe that the internet is a beautiful thing where women can meet other women who have gone through the same things and be blessed by each other. it's a place to find community in the most amazing ways. i can honestly speak that from total experience.

but lately, i've been thinking that sometimes as women, we share things to try and heal, but end up scaring other women. really, really scaring them.

here's what really did me in.
i was reading a blog by a fashion mommy who had had a heartbreaking experience over the holidays. but her words in her blog brought me to tears. she explained that even though it happened and she was sad about it. she was ok with it because she was so busy over the holidays.

have i made the circle back around yet?
maybe that was too much to share.

i was left in total fear.
complete fear.

scared to move. to breath. to eat the wrong thing.
paranoid that any odd feeling would be the worst.

insert: the Savior of the world.

i spent a lot of time with the Lord those first couple of weeks. i spent so much time just begging Him that this little babe growing inside of me would just develop and grow just as they should.
i was so covered in fear, that even when i went to the God of the universe, i still couldn't let it go.
i can't sit here and tell you that it just poof! went away. but i can tell you that God met me right where i was and heard my prayers and took that fear from me.

there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear. - 1 john 4:18

He met me because i needed and called out to Him. the really great thing about God is that He sees us, all of us, the good the bad the ugly the scared, and loves us even if we can't quite give it all up to Him right then. i feel like that's how the really great parents do things. staying right by us and never giving up. reminding us that we aren't alone.
i know i can speak from experience with that one too.

cast your cares on the Lord, 

and He will sustain you, 

He will never let the righteous be shaken. - psalm 55:22

i couldn't imagine going through my pregnancy without the Lord. without having a Rock to lean on in the times when i feel like i just can't do it. and yes. you bet there will be more moments like this.
but the thing is, i'm not scared of what could be. i'm over joyed with what will be. 

because i know God has the most amazing plan for this little nugget growing inside of me.
and that. is enough for me.

i was driving home the other night and found this amazing version of oceans from shane and shane (one of my faves). i've heard the song a thousand times. but this time heard a totally different part that brought me to the ugly snot filled cry in worship for my Savior.

"Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
will be my guide
where my feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now. "

He's never failed. He's certainly not going to start now.
amen and hallelujah to that.